by 9:30, p & i were both so exhausted that we just skipped all our work, climbed into bed & watched an episode of the west wing. with a bowl of cereal for me. :) it is so nice to be married, at moments like that, to someone who will just let me be me & loves me & goes to fill up the hot water bottle for me because my back is hurting. a grace-filled thing, marriage.
yesterday was all about super high awesome highs and really exasperating low lows. i got the most expensive parking ticket of my life (bad!) because i needed the car at school to get to a really amazing ijm staff & families dinner (good!). i had to come home and get in the bathtub in the middle of the day because my back was hurting so much (bad!) but after i read in the tub for awhile i felt so much better that i made it to my class and my advisor had written the nicest feedback on my paper -- that i had been so nervous about turning in -- that i've maybe ever gotten from a teacher (good!). and the whole day was like that. for the first time i felt like i knew what i was doing as a ta in my discussion section! but afterward, trying to find a place to study, i felt so lost and unfamiliar and a little bit alone.
basically, i've been tentatively diagnosed with a kind of chronic pain condition. it means that p & i are jumping into the "in sickness" part of our wedding vows right away, and it feels like a lot for a little young marriage to deal with! but it is also so amazing to have a partner in it. and what could be a better excuse to cancel my plans, curl up in bed with p and/or some books, and just relax?
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Oh honey, I'm sorry! I've been there on the chronic pain (are you surprised? do we not have the same life?), and I know that half the battle can be not just the pain but the feeling that everyone thinks you're crazy. Especially with something like back pain, which everyone says they have, I have often felt like people don't get that I'm not exaggerating, I really feel awful. And being made to feel like a drug addict when you ask for more pain pills is always fun too. Feel free to get in touch if you need someone to vent to who doesn't think you're crazy.
ReplyDeleteI really hope you find ways to aleviate your back pain and thank God you have P to pamper you when you need it and leave to you relax on your own when you need it- that kind of balance can only come from two people who truly know and love each other.
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